The Bachelorette: Whaboomed (S. 13 E. 1)

Meet Rachel

So it starts again. Gone are the days of JoJo and Baby Rodgers, onto Rachel Lindsey. The top three finalist from Nick Viall’s season is taking over as the first black Bachelorette. Lawyer thing aside, I’m getting an Andi Dorfman vibe to her. She’s a bit over-confident, yet kinda humble? Somewhat brash. Educated. Intelligent. Well spoken. Boring. I still can’t get over that tooth gap. Invisilign would have fixed it, even though she is attractive, but lacks sex appeal of a JoJo or some of the other former Bachelorettes.

Quick Look At The Men

We are reminded from the start of the show of who she is and what she’s about. Typical season intro of the Bachelor/Bachelorette. Next we get the packages of some of the men. Jack is a lawyer that has a cool dog. Next dude Alex, is a meathead from Detroit, even though he claims not to be. He’s Euro also, so that’s alright. Next up there is some dude named Mohit, NOT mohito, he’s super Bollywood. He has decent dance moves also. The freak of the season is introduced next, “whaboom”. What a looser. Blake is a sex driven dude that get a sex PhD, a.k.a the “amazing penis”. This can’t be followed up, sorry guy from Chicago that owns too many sneakers.

Half of last season’s Bachelor cast of women arrive to give Rachel a pep talk. Raven, shark girl Alexis, Kristina and even Corinne are there. They chat about the past. Rachel talks about her turning point was when Raven told her to just “fall,” hopefully not literally? Or maybe it was.

Limo Arrivals

The best part of the show is the limo arrivals, so let’s get onto those unfortunate souls:

  • Peter, 25, a dude from Wisconsin. He has a gap tooth also! They are a perfect!
  • Josiah, 28, prosecutor from Florida.
  • Bryan, 37, a Colombian guy that speaks Spanish to her, but he’s 37.
  • Kenny, 35, I know this dude! He’s a wrestler that used to wrestle for TNA.
  • Iggy, from Chicago.
  • Bryce, a firefighter.

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  • Diggy, yes, getting diggy with it.
  • Kyle, 27, forgot already.
  • Blake K, is a marine dude
  • Alex, we met him already, meathead nerdy guy.
  • Brady, 29, male model with an axe.
  • Dean, 25, dude from After The Final Rose who said he will go black and won’t come back. Let’s hope he just doesn’t come back.
  • DeMario, 30, another guy who met her “the other night”. Oops, taping schedule secrets slipped. The champ is here, the number one seed. Pshh.
  •  Fred, 27, executive assistant from Dallas. He brings a yearbook with him and Rachel in it. She seems turned off.
  • Jonathan,31, tickle monster that seems like a taller Evan Bass.
  • Lee, 30, singer and songwriter from Nashville. Ok, James Taylor wannabe.
  • Adam, is a ventriloquist?
  • Matt, 32, construction guy who comes in a penguin costume.
  • Jamey, 32, lawyer
  • Jack Stone, lawyer, ohh come on,
  • Mohit, 26, Mr. Bollywood.
  • Jedidiah, RN.
  • Michael, 26, pro basketball player, never heard or seen him.
  • Lucas, whaboom has arrived with a speaker microphone.

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Mingling Men

Whaboom is the best for last? Eeek. Rachel goes inside to salute and welcome all the lawyers and clowns. Attorney story bores the hell out of her. Dean believes she’s out of his league, so he’s lost already. Kenny won’t have it with the ventriloquist doll A.J. So Freddy gets scolded again, apparently Rachel was his camp counselor. Mr. Colombia makes the first move on Rachel and plants a long and wet kiss.

The first impression rose is up for grabs. All these dudes are calling her their wife. Clowns. DeMario just can’t stop talking. It’s annoying the hell out of me already. The guys are whining over not getting a chance to talk. Walk over and talk, that’s all. Wisconsin Peter bringer her chocolate and she reveals that she doesn’t eat chocolate. What? Who doesn’t eat chocolate? This should be investigated.

Jamey puts it forward in a good way by describing the situation as trying to get a girl at a bar that’s surrounded by 30 men. Kyle has a bit of a “rawr” in him. Needles to say, she’s not diggin’ it. Pretty Boy Pitbull Kenny King calls Rachel “dope”. He has a daughter that’s 10-years-old.

The first impression rose is predictably going to Bryan Mr. Colombia. He “steals” a kiss and Mohit yells “Nooo”. Yup, that will stop it. Josiah is 100% sure he’s getting a rose. Jamey claims to have perfect hair and facial features, but he forgot to mention the douchebag qualities also.

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Rose Ceremony Elimination

The first rose ceremony has arrived. Who is staying and who is going? Well here are the recipients of the rose:

  • Peter
  • Will
  • Jack Stone
  • Jamey
  • Iggy
  • Eric
  • DeMario
  • Jonathan
  • Alex
  • Kenny
  • Dean
  • Matt the penguin
  • Anthony
  • Brady
  • Josiah
  • Lee
  • Fred
  • Adam without the dummy A.J.
  • Blake E.
  • Lucas

Whaboom! What a producers call that is. Kyle the “rawrr” guy, Blake K., Grant, Milton, and Mohit are going home.

The season preview looks solid actually. Apparently many of the black men don’t make it far. The Colombian sensation Bryan obviously makes it far. Wisconsin boy Peter is seen a lot also. Little of Kenny and Josiah, but almost none of trash talking DeMario. So looks like the finale will be in the desert in wine country. Lee, the singer, looks to be the villain, which is surprising. She makes out a lot. Kenny has a bloody eye, but it looks like it’s for a stunt. Someones girlfriend shows up. Probably no one significant. Maybe Lee?

PREDICTIONS:

This season is tough to gauge and predict. There are no clear favorites, besides Bryan. Nonetheless, here are my predictions of what will happen:

Wild Cards: 

Alex: Looks like he was pitched as a favorite in the opening guy intro. He has the manly looks and the meathead/nerd persona. He can sneak in and make it far even though he wasn’t featured much tonight.

Josiah: He was given a lot of time and attention in the episode, but little of him in the season previews. He will probably talk his way out of there. Seemed like an initial favorite, but fizzles out later.

Hometown:

Anthony: He’s seen lot in the previews and they seem to make a connection. He’s a contender for sure.

Dean: We had a preview of Dean on After The Final Rose, but saw little of him in the episode. Unlike Josiah and DeMario, he’s actually seen a lot in the preview and makes out a lot with her. He’s here to stay.

Peter: The Wisconsin boy seems to have this sneaky connection with her. It wasn’t exposed much tonight, but I see him making it far. He’s featured in the previews enough to make him a legitimate contender.

Bryan: Come on. He’s the early favorite. Has to be him in this stage. Shoe-in to the final four.

Finals:

For me it comes down to Dean and Anthony. A shocker will be that Bryan will come in third after she realizes that it was mostly a sexual connection with him. Dean and Anthony seem like surprises now, but when it comes to it, it won’t be. At the end, the last man standing next to Rachel will be Anthony! Now, I’m probably way off as always, so guess time will tell.

My Take:

This season looks promising. I expected less actually. After the first episode it’s tough to tell if she’s into anyone besides Bryan. I didn’t see Lee being the villain. I thought he was James Taylor, but he’s the opposite. I was a bit surprised with some of the eliminations. Lucas would have been gone if it was actually up to her to decide, but that’s a producers call to keep him. I’m just glad the tickle man Jonathan is still around. Too bad Kenny King doesn’t seem to stick. He’s a heck of a wrestler and has some persona, look up his stuff on YouTube. That would be my personal favorite to root for. This is just week one, a long season ahead. Enjoy the ride.

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