Here Comes Nick
It’s baaaack! We get started with with season 21 with the “other guy” as the “bachelor guy”. Nick mumbles his way with pronouncing himself as The Bachelor. Recap of his love failures on TV. His Waukesha family is show looking over old pictures of Nick eerily looking like a tall Beiber. His 221 immediate family members are shown. Nick promises to give America a happy ending—he won’t.
The annual bachelor male pep talk. Chris Soules, Ben Higgins and Sean Lowe. Sean’s initial mention is how disliked Nick is. Good advice. Ben talks about how humbled he’s been by all the women coming to see him. Nick doesn’t get that concept. Ben tells him to be himself, like he’d be anything other than. How did Ben become a dating guru?
Women Intro Videos
First girl we meet is Rachel the attorney who likes to vacuum.
Danielle L. is salon owner. She’s interested in Nick as the Bachelor, hopefully so.
The next girl is a 100% Italian Special Ed. teacher that speaks French.
Josephine is a blonde nursing student that may or may not (may) have an obsession with her cat. She’s the wacky chick of the season.
Hoxie girl Raven is so hickish, but hot. She owns a boutique. So anti stereotype.
Corinne is a glamorous blonde bombshell. She even has a nanny. She runs a family business. She’s taking it over from her father. Uhh ohh.
Alexis is a hot-weird Jersey chick with a dolphin obsession.
Danielle is a Nashville nurse that is eerily similar to Whitney from Chris Soules season.
Taylor is a Seattle chick. Smart woman with her masters. She’s biracial.
Vegas Liz met Nick once before at Jade and Tanner’s wedding. What! She may or may not (probably may) have spent the night with Nick. Of course that happened.
Limos and Ladies
Limos are on their way to the mansion. Nick arrives at the mansion and meets Chris Harrison who wastes no time about bringing up the controversy of his selection. Here we go:
- Danielle L. is the first one to arrive. Boobage ALL over.
- Elizabeth. A blonde bubbly Texan.
- Rachel the attorney arrives.
- Christen, 25, in an all-yellow dress.
- Taylor, 23, tells Nick that all her girlfriends said he’s a piece of shit. Cool.
- Kristina, 24, dental hygenist.
- Angela, 26, model.
- Morgan,30, she talks about the weirdness in their last names.
- Food truck girl arrives, forgot her name
- Dominique is excited
- Ida Marie, 23, performs a “trust fall”
- Olivia from Alaska performs a nose kiss
- Sarah runs-up, literally, to him
- Jasmine G. brings NEIL LANE, wtf! Again?
- Girl in red dress, Hailey, admits to her lack of underwear.
- Astrid is a German vixen, talks in German about sex.
- Liz, the wedding date arrives, he doesn’t recognize her! Haa!
Nick actually remembers, after Harrison pokes him about it.
- Corinne the business owner.
- Italian girl who speaks French, Vanessa arrives
- Danielle M. the Whitney clone arrives with maple syrup, he licks the syrup off her fingers.
- Raven from Arkansas does some weird gyration.
- Jaimi with awesome curls and arrives with some balls (nose ring).
- Susannah gives Nick a beard massage.
- Josephene comes with a weiner in a book and bite into it together. Weird.
- Brittany, 26, comes with some rubber gloves.
- Whitney, a pilates instructor.
- Lacey arrives on a camel, she’s all about humping.
- Alexis arrives in a dolphin costume.
It looks a lot like a shark costume. You’d think a dolphin enthusiast would get it right. At least she didn’t wear a red dress like everyone else. The chatter about Nick is how “manly” he is. Ohh geez. So, Nick gives a decent speech about empowerment, well, the parts where he can pronounce the words. Nick utters the most disgusting thing ever, he tells Rachel he’s a Packers fan..blah.
Harrison arrives with the first impression rose. French girl Vanessa believes the stars aligned that he was the man. He wants him to kiss her, but she gets interrupted by Corinne the early villain, who swoops in to make out with Nick. The girls are furious she kissed him. Someone has to be a villain. I’m trying to unlock Kristina’s accent. Is she British? East Coast? Eastern European? Southern? I must know this. Pro basketball dancer Jasmine gets denied a chance to talk to Nick, by Nick. Meanwhile, dolphin-shark is getting food thrown at her mouth. Like a DOLPHIN. She goes in the water for a dolphin call to Nick. She loves the Miami Dolphins—this explains it all.
Liz wants Nick to remember their sexcapade. Apparently she didn’t give him her number. Even Jade didn’t help out and linked them. Nick dodges her as soon as he sees a girl in a red dress. Shunned for nine months, Nick remembered that. Canadian girl chats up Nick, he admits to being into Canadian’s—we know. Whitney clone Danielle M. is a Wisconsin girl. This could be a keeper. First impression rose is up for grabs. Nick found his pick—Rachel. They continue with a mini make out session. She can’t believe it. Good for her though.
Rose ceremony is starting. This first one is a long one. Nick tells Harrison that Liz is on shaky grounds. Onto the selections:
- Vanessa (Frenchie)
- Danielle L.
- Christen (mellow yellow)
- Astrid (Miss Germany)
- Elizabeth W. (no idea)
- Jasmine G (b-ball dancer)
- Kristina (accent girl)
- Danielle M. (Whitney 2.o)
- Sarah (runner)
- Josephine (he closes his eyes as he says her name)
- Alexis (dolphin/shark)
The final rose of the night and there are some bonafide hotties left. Liz gets the rose. Has to be a producer selection. Angela the model didn’t get one? What! He lost his mind on night one. Surgical nurse Brianna didn’t make the cut either. Oh, so Fifty Shades Darker is a sponsor of The Bachelor. Hell, Liz and Nick went fifty shades darker than that.
The season preview promises lots of promiscuity from Corinne—that’s a given. Lots of arctic locales. Liz and Corinne appear to be the villains. Nick cries a few times. It didn’t appear to be an overly dramatic season. For some reason this season preview seemed fairly tame.
My favorite part of each premiere, the predictions.
WILD CARDS (girls just outside the top 4):
- Raven (she seems like she will stick around for a while, but not enough luster to make the top four)
- Danielle L. (she’s cute and looks like she will glide her way through quietly)
FINAL FOUR HOMETOWN DATES:
- Rachel (she got the first impression rose, usually that means something, plus the previews indicate she will be around)
- Vanessa (the French/Italian thing is going on for her, Nick seemed into her from the start, she will last)
- Corinne (the promiscuous one lasts for a long time, she is sort of the Courtney from Ben Flajnik’s season)
- Danielle M/Whitney 2.0 (she’s the Whitney of this season, he likes her, she’s the nice one, definitely will make it far)
It’s going to Vanessa versus Danielle M.(Whitney 2.0). Corinne will use up all her promiscuous bullets, so she won’t make the final two. Danielle seems to be the kinda girl that you can bank on. She’s from Wisconsin and she’s a neonatal nurse, and we know neonatal nurses always win. Vanessa has that dual language and natural beauty going for her. Ultimately Nick will be proposing to Danielle. I wish he doesn’t, so that I can get her.
THE NEXT BACHELORETTE:
My pick for the next Bachelorette would be Danielle, but she’s getting picked by Nick, so the next two choices are Rachel and Vanessa. Vanessa bamboozles the producers with her dual languages to become The Bachelorette, and I try to get on the show to meet her, since my first option Danielle is taken.
That’s how the show will/should play out. I’d still urge you to watch it. Bachelor season has arrived and let the fun begin.
For more Bachelor content you can follow me on Twitter @JimRko
2 thoughts on “The Bachelor: The Other Guy Becomes The Bachelor Guy (S:21 E:01)”
Once again, your summation is hilarious! I liked Rachel best myself. Perhaps she could be the new Bachelorette if she isn’t Nick’s final rose. About time ABC showed some diversity in this franchise!
Thanks Jeff! Rachel seems fun and outgoing, don’t think he will end up with her though. I’m thinking Vanessa or Danielle M.