Bachelor in Paradise: Lets Read Andi’s Book And Eat Some Mexican Pizza

Mexican Pizza

Before the episode starts rolling, Chris Harrison voices over the preview for the episode. All he can muster is a bunch of sexual innuendos while talking about Evan. Such phrases as “hard,” “rising to the occasion” “premature elimination”, okay I’ll just stop.

As the continuation of Evan’s attempt to sabotage goes, he talks about getting friend zoned by Carly (he realized he was friend zoned, impressive), as he walks towards Amanda and Josh. Evan immediately reads a SELF-MADE date card and asks Amanda to talk to him. Josh is actually laughing. I can’t blame him. Izzy thinks this is the most bizarre thing. To say the least. Vinny calls him an awkward doctor. He’s a doctor? Meanwhile Josh makes good use of his brief time alone by eating a pizza. He might not finish it before she comes back. Apparently Josh is in love with the Mexican pizza more than he is with Amanda.

Stinging Like A Bee

So Amanda immediately rejects Evan. Took about two seconds. He believes he has a glimmer of hope. That hope is disappearing faster than the pizza. I am right about that, Josh has like four slices left. Amanda is crying for Evan on the way back. Unreal. Delusional Evan tells Jared he is hopeful of attaining Amanda.

One of the biggest Bachelor secrets is finally revealed when Daniel shaves Vinny’s back! Now we know why the dudes have no back hair. Aha. Rose ceremony mingling. Two guys are going home. The rush for Sarah is on. She tells Christian that their date together was the best one she’s ever been on. That girl needs to go on some dates. Daniel interrupts, again. Sarah awaits a kiss from him that will help make her decision, but a bee attempts to impregnate Daniel’s neck (according to him), and stops any momentum. He regroups after the sting and gives her a few pecks on the lips. He can’t kiss. We don’t even need Sarah to elaborate, that was painfully obvious to anyone with two eyes.

Wise Man Evan

Just when things are settling down a bit before the rose ceremony, leave it to Evan to make it awkward…again. He decides to approach Josh and Amanda..again. As he’s walking up to interrupt their never ending makeout session, everyone in paradise and in America is cringing. He takes her aside and the first thing he tells her is that he knows what it’s like to get wrapped up in a relationship real quick. Wait, what? NO YOU DON’T. You’ve had no relationships. He is at the highest level of delusion. He makes up some fable about some people saying things about Josh. No they aren’t. The warning from Evan are about verbal abuse claims about Josh. So Josh gets wind of the Evan rumors. Uh-oh, Evan might as well leave before he gets destroyed. Now everyone is cringing at the thought of Evan being demolished and not even making it in one piece to the rose ceremony.

This man just can’t stop himself (Credit: ABC)

Evan accuses josh of being “polished”. He has some balls (no pun intended) to say that to a guy twice his size. Josh defends himself and claims he’s being honest and genuine. They go back and forth. Josh spews out a bunch of lines, Evan calls him out on that. Even though Evan is a little snitch, he does make some valid and thought provoking statements, not just about Josh, but in general. While those two are jabbing, Nick approaches Amanda. Nick adds more fuel to the fire that is Josh.

Rose Ceremony

Rose ceremony finally has arrived. Lace is the first one up and gives an obvious rose to Grant. Izzy gives it to Vinny. Emily picks Jared. Amid all speculation Amanda gives it to Josh. Sarah’s rose goes to Daniel. Carly has one of the roses that’s up for grabs. Carly’s rose goes to Evan. Haley the twin has the final rose and it goes to…Nick! Brandon the potential crew member goes home. Christian follows him out of paradise. Josh is upset with Nick.

Here Comes Caila

Emily can’t stop thinking of Jared. I gotta say Evan’s presence removes the title of dweeb from Jared. That might change with the newest arrival, Caila. Everyone loses it. I don’t get it. Jared and Nick are raving about her hair. What has it come to. Caila seems to have her eyes set for Jared and Nick. The women begin to gossip about how excited Jared appears to be for Caila. So she asks Jared on a date. Jared asks Emily for permission to go on a date with Caila, as if he was married to her. Just do it bro. Emily cries and admits to be a heartbreaker. Caila and Jared’s date starts out horseback riding. She beams about how “manly” Jared is. Just stop. Jared is losing it over her.

Daniel is doing some bizarre trickery of drinking water from Vinny’s bellybutton. This is just too much. A date card arrives, it’s the first double date in paradise, Lace and Grant are being joined by Vinny and Izzy. Jared and Caila come back from their date, he attempts to downplay it, the twins aren’t having it. Jared takes Emily aside and starts backtracking until he unleashes on her about his excitement for Caila, and wanting to pursue her.

Doubling Up

Onto the double date, making minuscule Bachelor history. Everyone is praising each other at the dinner date. Back at the hut, Carly and Sarah create a double date, their guests, Evan and Daniel. This can’t be good. Once again zero swag from Evan, according to Carley. She can’t decide if she’s creeped out or into Evan. He tries to kiss her and she not only rejects him, but tells him to stope being creepy. That’s just cruel. Next thing we see is a couple producers trying to wake up Evan who appears unconscious. A group of producers and medical people rush to revive Evan. He wakes up and acts like he doesn’t know what’s going on. Even more mysterious than his condition is the appearance of these 1970’s swimming trunks/shorts with flower designs on them. What in the hell are those?

Senor Frogs is the club that the foursome date heads to. Right in time for a foam party. Lace and Izzy lay out and someone throws cold water at them. Lace is about to unleash, but then nothing happens. Bored Nick is hanging out alone on the beach. The Nick loser talks emerges again–from him. Sweaty Josh rolls around with Amanda in bed. Morning arrives and Josh is eating. He’s turning into Chad when it comes to food consumption. Jared is playing cards and making out with Caila. Walking down the steps is Ashley I. Jared is for a messy situation.

For more Bachelor in Paradise news follow me on Twitter @JimRko

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