Bachelor in Paradise: Because I’m Evan Bass!

A New Arrival

As we rolled away from Tropical Storm Murray, Amanda and Josh continue to make out, as if they never stopped. Daniel has been waiting his entire life for Sarah. That might be the best joke coming from the unfunny Canadian. So another new arrival to paradise looks like Grants clone, Christian, who arrives with a date card. He asks the guys for suggestions on who to ask out. Josh wastes no time in telling him that he’s got dibs on Amanda. Daniel states that Christian would only waste his time trying to go after Sarah, considering Daniel is such a catch and there is no chance any woman would leave him for another man. Christian takes Sarah aside and asks her out on a date. She’s thrilled to accept. The unfunny Canadian is furious. Before we lose Daniel, he does make a solid suggestion on how to give Evan a makeover. Still won’t help the poor guys chances with Carly.

Down Goes Evan

Back-and-forth cuts of the conversation of Evan bragging about kissing Carly to a semi-impressed Vinny, while on the other side Carly is telling the girls about her terror of kissing Evan. These two are definitely not on the same page. A moment of clarity comes over Carly, and she decided to break-up with Evan. As if they ever were together in the first place. She manages to take some shots at the poor guy in the confessional. He can’t be that bad, I mean he helps guys get laid, right? She breaks the news to him. His facial expression is as if a thousand bricks just hit him. Upon hearing the news he walks away in shame. Evan cries. Poor guy. He cries more.

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Evan getting dumped (Credit: ABC)

Crew Member Or Contestant

Sarah and Christian are on a date zip lining. Scaling down a cliff. Typical extreme and life-threatening Bachelor date.  A new arrival named Brandon. Don’t ask me who  he is, even Chris Harrison had no idea who this guy was. Allegedly he was on Desiree’s season. Ten bucks to whoever knows him. So this Brandon character arrives and no one has any idea who he is also. Mistaken for a crew member. Makes sense. Carly doesn’t know who he is, but she’s smitten by this mysterious crew/cast member. She’s all about him so naturally he asks Haley to go on a date with him. Carly is failing paradise..badly.

Emily has made a reputation for herself for not being able to hold down any alcohol. All it took–one beer. Christian is zip lining with Sarah and smooching each other. She’s already envisioning a relationship with him after a few pecks on the lips. Christian wastes no time bragging about their mediocre date, Daniel isn’t having it. Ok, so he wanted to zip line. Daniel the eagle is getting ready to go for the kill, or just end up heading home when Sarah doesn’t give him a rose.

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Christian Mingle (Credit: ABC)

Evan’s Final Shot

Josh Murray never stops making out with Amanda. Conveniently they are always situated near Nick. Daniel is feeling the minutes wind down in paradise, so he takes Sarah aside and gets a bottle of cheap champagne. For once Daniel is actually being serious. Daniel is making Sarah giddy, it’s his weirdness. Now she’s torn on the rose. Daniel may or may not have Zika, as he refuses to kiss Sarah after being in the vicinity of mosquitoes.

Time for the least intriguing date yet, one of the twins and the guy who may or may not be a crew member. What’s the best way to get to know a guy? Playing switch up with your twin sister. So they are basically playing games. It’s a test if he’s worthy of the twin. He can’t tell them apart–obviously. He can’t believe the chemistry he’s having. BOGUS.

Josh is physically attached to Amanda, like super glued. Evan is ready to make a power move by interrupting Josh and Amanda. He decides to write a date card. What? This is against the rules of paradise you damn rebel, why? Because he’s Evan frickin’ Bass, that’s why. I’m cringing watching him walk up to interrupt Josh and Amanda. TO BE CONTINUED…

For more Bachelor in Paradise news, follow me on Twitter @JimRko

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