The Bachelorette: A Hero Rises And The Tabloid Takeover

Captain Alex

After a week hiatus, The Bachelorette is back. The episode starts out with an apparent exorcism of Chad’s spirit. The guys are celebrating by throwing some white powder in the air (could be flour, probably not drugs). Just when the apparent exorcism was complete, chat knocks on the door of the cabin. Things don’t conclude until we get another Chad and Baby Rodgers encounter. Hopefully Chad got to pick up his protein powder on his way out. When America’s hero Alex arrives, flares and celebration erupts. A cake to the face completes the celebration. What a real American hero.

Chase escorts JoJo and forces her into a bubble. They proceed to knock into each other, not the physical contact Chase was hoping for. Next, ……. takes JoJo outside and promises something shiny for her in 40 some days. Let’s hope the shiny things ins’t him in handcuffs. Luke is already falling for JoJo, more importantly my mother proclaims him as a sweet talker. Baby Rodgers wastes no time and he pins JoJo to the wall and immediately starts making out with her.

Going Home

Rose Ceremony time. Derek gets the first rose. Robby. Chase. Wells. Grant. Vinny. How the hell is Vinny still around? He must be one hell of a barber to vouch for. James the country singer. Final rose goes to…Evan. Yay to fertility. The unfunny comedian and James the boxer owner go home. Evan has caught the Jared syndrome. Unfunny comedian has a better chance getting hit by lightning–yea keep it at that. JoJo announces she is–no she isn’t, taking the guys to Uruguay.

Tabloid Scare

Uruguay is calling. First date card goes to Baby Rodgers. He gets a ride on a boat with him. Just when I thought that the biggest reveal is that Vinny is finally shown giving Alex a haircut, my theory is dispelled when the guys grab a tabloid and read up on JoJo’s gossip and rumors of her love for her ex Chad–not the meat eater Chad.

Luke, Derek, Chase, Evan, James, Vinny, Grant, Wells, Alex get the next group date. Jordan and JoJo are making out at dinner, until she brings up his ex. JoJo reveals that she met Baby Rodger’s ex. As she’s talking he’s got a ghost look on his face. He’d look less scared if Ray Lewis was running at him. Stumbling, fumbling Jordan can’t get a word out. Busted. Jordan hides behind talk about his pastor and how he doesn’t tell anyone he loves them unless he is willing to put a ring on it. This might be the best audible call that he’s ever called in his life. It nets him a rose. First down Baby Rodgers.

Once Baby Rodgers arrives at the house, the guys notify him about the tabloid conspiracy. JoJo gets word from the producers about the magazine. She erupts in tears. Are they tears of disappointment or that she’s been exposed? JoJo cries wolf to the guys and tells them about the magazine.

Derek Against The Office

The group date consists of sand boarding? This is the weakest activity, ever. They barely get to slide as the rain starts pouring. Jordan comes with a date card, Robby gets a solo date. He’s pretending like he won the lottery, even though there was NO OTHER GUY there to get one. The guys are getting restless about talking to JoJo. Somehow Vinny has become the spokesperson of the pack. How is this happening? Alex reveals that Derek is a guy he dislikes. Well there is a development. A few moments of charm worked for Jim of The Office, as he gets the rose.

Robby gets his date. She sees a dog on the beach and describes her relationship with Robby as puppy love…err that sounds promising. JoJo tells him that he looks like Ryan Gosling. What? In what damn world? She must be intoxicated with this strong Uruguayan alcohol or something. Alex is questioning Derek about talking to JoJo and asking for reassurance. Robby gets emotional during dinner with JoJo when he tells her about his friend driving off a bride. Geez Robby, that’s sobering. He reveals that he’s fallen in love with her. They kiss and on cue the fireworks go off.

Rose Ceremony

Rose ceremony anxiety. Derek asks for Chase, Robby, Alex and Jordan that they look like a high school click. Alex claims that Derek is taking away their focus from her. Yeah, such a distraction. Pshh. Chris Harrison interrupts the party. Buzzkill.

Time for roses. Luke gets the first one. Chase. Alex. James. Wells. No more free haircuts, Vinny is gone. JoJo puts Grant’s fire out. Erectile dysfunction is the least of Evan’s issues now.

Next week: Lot more jealousy and drama between the guys. A season preview that focused on the final rose ceremony and one of the guys letting JoJo down. Seems like it’s Baby Rodgers. We shall see.

For more Bachelor news follow me on Twitter @JimRko

Check out the Bachelor Universe podcast also.

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