The Bachelor (S:22-E:1): Meet Grandpa Arie

Janu-Arie

Happy New Year! What better way to celebrate it than introducing us to a grandpa who no one remembers as your latest Bachelor. It’s Janu-Arie! A day to recover from a wild night of drinking and race to see some Bachelor drama.

The episode starts with a flashback to a long time ago in the great past of when Arie Luyendyk Jr. (try spelling that on a consecutive basis). If Arie is 36-years-old, then I’m Houdini. No chance in hell that’s real. It’s been five years since Arie has been on The Bachelorette, a time before the New England Patriots were even a fully established dynasty. Derrick Rose was actually healthy. Donald Trump was a reality TV star (still is). Kristina Schulman was probably still in Russia. You get the point, the guy is ancient, yet he’s our new Bachelor, so embrace it (forcefully) America.

Meet The Brides-To-Be

So we meet some of the women on this season. A single mother, a hot amateur realtor, a hot amateur photographer, and a daredevil nurse among some of these women. Oh, and a Weiner girl (long story) that’s also Raven’s friend, because everyone in Arkansas knows each other. For goodness sake who knew there were that many good looking women in Arkansas? Looks like a promising lineup for Arie.

Then there is the “online” fitness instructor that apparently wasn’t aware that her brother was homeless. So there is that for family ties.

Limo Arrivals

The limo arrives with Janu-Arie! Things are about to get going.

Realtor girl Caroline is the first one to arrive.

Chelsea, the single mom comes out next.

Kendall is a casting director from LA, so she’s ready to audition Arie.

Seinee catches his eye.

Weiner girl arrives, which is all that matters.

Bibiana has a accent, and she’s a bit mysterious.

Portland Bri is a sports reporter, yes!

Jenny is from Chicago, yet I have never met her.

Bekah M. rocking the pixie cut drives up in a classic car, from the look of it, she doesn’t wear bras either.

Jenna is happy with her life…well that’s lovely.

147657_3318
Photo: Paul Hebert

Jessica is a TV host, which is an immediate threat to Chris Harrison’s job.

Becca K. want shim to get down and propose to her, does that mean she’s won?

There is an overabundance of Lauren’s. Every Lauren in America gets an invite on the show.

I’m liking the real estate agents in Florida, Ashley is another great one.

Ali is personal stylist with little style, sporting a chrome dress.

Only to be topped by Batgirl. Kissing bandit she is not.

Not to be outdone by the blonde in the race car. Can’t even pronounce her name. No title cards.

Mingling

Race car blonde (real name is Maquel) doesn’t waste any time, she goes after Arie soon as they convene in the house.

Arie has to showboat his racing skills by racing electric toy car for 4 year-olds. Formula 1 has got nothing on this.

The first impression rose is up for grabs. Pixie is running around to see who gets it, but new villainess Chelsea gets it.

147657_5027
Photo: Paul Hebert

Lots of women and a not enough roses.

Marikh gets a rose, Becca. Kendall. Lauren G. Krystal. Sienne. Caroline. Brittane. Bibiana. Annalise. Jenna. Valerie. Jacqueline. Jenny. Lauren B. Ashley. Tia. Maquel. Jessica the TV host is going home. Amber goes home. No free tans for Arie, courtesy of crying Amber.

Shocking that the TV host and sports reporter were let go. What was this guy thinking?

SEASON OUTLOOK:

As always lots of crying, what’s new? Some actual decent traveling locations like Paris and the finale is taking place in an actual desert? The best most dramatic part seems to be at the final rose ceremony where a guy comes back for one of the women claiming he wants his girl back. Arie is thrown-off. It probably won’t be as dramatic as it looks, but could.

THE FINAL ROSE WINNER:

So one of my favorite parts that I always get horribly wrong (look at my track record) is making final predictions for this season’s winner. So here we go:

ARIE LUYENDYK JR., CHELSEA R.
Photo: Paul Hebert

WILD CARDS:

  • Marikh: There is definitely an exotic sexy thing about her. She seems accomplished and someone that Arie would find appealing on many levels. As a restaurant owner this is a career woman that could easily sneak into the final four.
  • Tia: Physical Therapist with that makes her presence felt. There is something about her that makes her a fit for him. She seems to be a go-getter and has a aggressive approach.

FINAL FOUR:

  • Caroline: There is no denying that she’s one of the most attractive and appealing women of this season. She’s a realtor, with a good track record on the job, as she claims. I see no reason why she wouldn’t make the hometown dates. She’d be my number 1.
  • Chelsea: This season villain, who also happens to be a mom. Quite the unique dynamic. At this point so far, she doesn’t seem to be as villainous as some of the recent vilenesses, such as Olivia and Corinne.
  • Bekah M.: Who would have imagined a 22-year-old nanny being such a contender, but she is. This pixie cut bubbly lady has already gotten Ari’s attention. She looks like a serious contender.
  • Krystal: She feeds the homeless and she’s a fitness instructor (even if it’s virtually). Krystal has the looks, personality and confidence to make her a frontrunner.

THE WINNER:

So who will it be among these ladies mentioned above? For me it comes down to these two and here is the case for each.

Why Bekah M.:

She’s the youngest of them all. She’s not shy. She’s shown a lot in the season preview. Bekah is the kind of girl who has the youth and fun in her that can open up another side of Arie that no other woman can. She’s exciting.

Why Krystal:

She has everything going for her. Woman are intimidated by her. She looks like a woman that gets what she wants. Krystal would be hard to resist. She’s a local California woman also, so that helps Arie who is a LA guy.

ARIE’S FINAL PICK:

Krystal. She has it all as mentioned above. He gets a confident woman. Local. Fitness guru. She also has a sensitive and caring side as evidenced by her helping the homeless. What’s there not to like. She’s 29, so much older than Bekah and has a legitimate career.

I’m probably wrong again and it will be someone like Kendall or something. This is why it’s fun to pick and speculate. Enjoy the season. Lets just hope it’s better than seeing Nick Viall for the 64th time.

For more Bachelor fun, check out my Twitter @TheJimAlexander

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s