The new season of The Bachelorette has arrived, here we go again! So the episode opens up with a recap of JoJo’s experience on The Bachelor. A theme is exposed immediately in the promos, how she was blindsided by Ben. How was this chick blindsided when he was upfront with her on everything? Not like he lied about being in love with her. Geez, let it go already. A brief segment with JoJo talking about being in love with Ben and how real it was to her, she’s ready to find love and bring on the men!
JoJo rolls in a blue old school convertible. Is that a thing now on this show? JoJo goes back to the mansion to meet up with some familiar faces: Kaitlyn, Ali Fedetowsky, and Desire. Time for some girl advice. Kaitlyn is looking super tan and loaded with makeup, almost like a different person. Not sure I’m liking this new “Hollywood Kaitlyn”. JoJo asks the women about night one. No significant tips are given.
“They are going to be more nervous than you,” is the advice Kaitlyn gives. Kaitlyn gives the thumbs up for JoJo to make out with any guy on the first night that she feels compelled to kiss. Ali actually gives some good advice about not overlooking the compatibility instead of the physical attraction. Love or lust is the question to takeaway. Kaitlyn asks her if she’s ready to get engaged to which JoJo admits she’s ready and wants to be done with dating.
Back from the break we see Chris Harrison talk up JoJo by mentioning all the men “dying” to sign up for the show. Ok, so I was one of them–guilty, but can you blame me? So who are these guys?
The Limo Arrivals
First one up is a firefighter, Grant. Says he’s 28 (allegedly), but he’s not a day younger than 38.
Jordan, 27, Aaron Rodgers little bro. This guy is going to have to be a front-runner. I mean he’s the brother of Aaron fricken’ Rodgers!
Alex, 25, U.S. Marine. This dude is a beast. Surely will go far. Has a marine twin brother.
James, 27, secret Bachelor fan? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Ok, so he’s the biggest clown of this season. A.k.a. the Mandi of this season.
Evan, 33, former pastor. Erectile Disfunction guru. Mojo for JoJo.
Ali, 27, bartender. He’s Iranian. Successful family. Heck of a pianist from the look of it. He also surfs.
Christian, 26, some fitness workout warrior that’s also a tech geek. Bi-racial.
Luke, 31, war veteran. Texan and country boy. Small town guy. Cow whisperer. Lots of military guys so far.
JoJo arrives at the mansion, looking hotter than ever. Chris Harrison is there to greet her. Now onto the crazies as the first limo arrives:
- First guy is Jordan Rodgers. I’m calling it the initial front-runner. Will he use the Aaron Rodgers lil bro/NFL trump card?
- Derek, 29, commercial banker. Florida guy. Very modest intro with compliments.
- Grant, 28, firefighter. Tells her he will fall in love with her, not two girls, corny.
- James F., 34, boxing club owner. What? Is that cool or not?
- Robby, 27, competitive swimmer. Comes with a bottle of wine, they both drink straight from the bottle. Can he come with some glasses?
- Alex, 25, marine. Seems pretty nervous and subtle.
- Will, 26, civil engineer. Drops a stack of cards as he walks out. What is he Gambit from X-Men or something? What is this dudes deal?
- Chad, 28, luxury real estate agent. Seems like an older boxer from James’ gym.
- Daniel, 31, comedian. Canadian. Has a bit of a creep factor to him.
- Ali, 27, bartender. Awestruck and nervous.
- James Taylor, 29, singer-songwriter. Comes out with a guitar. Country slang. Yup.
- Jonathan, 29, sales rep. Half Chinese and half Scottish. Half Scottish below waist..wow. Wearing a kilt.
- Santa Claus, a.k.a. 33. He’s actually dressed as Santa and is rolling with that gimmick. WHAT THE HELL?
- Chase, 27, medical sales rep. Comes out rockin’ the Blues Brothers look with a giant stache.
- Jake, 27, architect. See him for a brief second.
- Sal, 28, operations manager. Comes out with some blue balls–legitimately he brought blue balls.
- Chase, 28, real estate. First Chicago guy. Looks like a cleaned up version of a bro.
- Brandon, 28, hipster. Looks like a hipster in a suit.
- James S., 27, bachelor superfan. Yeah, it’s that guy.
- Nick S., 26m software guy. Comes out doing the splits.
- Vinny, 28, barber. At least the guys will have a barber to cut their hair in the mansion.
- Peter, 26, staffing agency manager. Ok, he literally was on-screen for 1 second.
- Evan, 33, erectile dysfunction specialist. Well he can only be known as the ED guy. Period.
- Wells, 31, radio DJ. Brings out some peeps with him. A bunch of dudes jump out of the car and sing “I swear”.
- Christian, 26, IT. Comes out on a bike. He’s not as cool or badass as he thinks he is.
- Luke, 31, war vet. Rides in on a unicorn. He believes unicorns are real.
Time To Impress
Alex is the first dude to grab her aside. Guys are making fun of him. Apparently he’s a midget. Derek is up next, he claims to be a nerd. They all do that. He tells her he used to look like Harry Potter, yeah, that’s what you want to tell her.
JoJo notices how nervous all these guys are. She doesn’t feel that instant connection she had with Ben. Baby Rodgers takes her aside, starts caressing her back. Jordan is relaxed and confident. That’s her initial spark. He retired? At 27? He didn’t kiss her, and regretted it.
She brings out the gloves to box with the boxer dude. Comedian dude plays some stupid paper game. Awkward kiss with Will. Baby Rodgers comes back. He claims to be goofy and immediately goes in for a legitimate kiss. JoJo is smitten. We have our first guy, that’s quite the first impression.
Chad appears to be the big talker that bashing everyone. He’s officially hogged the confessional. Apparently the singing band is attached at the hip with the radio jockey, they are still around singing behind him and JoJo. Chad endears himself to JoJo, apparently by being vulnerable. Vill’s gotta vill. He claims to be a manlier more rugged version of Ben. The Canadian comedian is going off about some obscure nonsense–he’s done. He gets even weirder when he pokes even in the belly-button. He has the shortest tie that a man has ever worn. He undresses and flexing. Yup, it’s a Canadian thing, the guy from last season’s Bachelorette jumped in the pool naked and we have our drunk pool guy again.
Another drunk guy interrupts the confessional. He looks like Guy Pearce. Vinny the barber follows and interrupts JoJo’s confessional right after. Drunken times three. Self elimination galore. The guy still won’t reveal his Santa costume..come on bro. The men are freaking out about the who will receive the first impression rose. James is grabbing a hold of JoJo’s shoulder, like a vice grip kinda hold. Luke gets JoJo a pair of cowboy boots. Silent sexy confidence is what she describes him having.
JoJo grabs the first impression rose and bypasses everyone and takes it to Baby Rodgers, who gets the first impression rose. Chad is talking…again. Hater is gonna hate. Night comes to an end, it’s rose ceremony time.
As the rose ceremony is about to get started, we see footsteps walking into the mansion. It’s revealed that Jake Pavelka has arrived at the house. Is this going to be a thing, former rejects making their comebacks? I swear it’s the Nick Viall syndrome. He might be next actually, wouldn’t surprise me to see the Other Guy make a comeback. It’s clear that only one guy has an idea who Pavelka actually is. JoJo describes Jake as a big brother figure. How did they become friends? He wants her to find love. He comes bearing advice. He tells her to go with her gut. Onto the roses.
Jordan is safe. Luke gets the first one. Wells. James. Grant. Derek. Christian. Chad. Chase. Alex. Robbie. Brandon. James F. Ali. Santa Claus. Will. James S. Vinny. Evan. Daniel the unfunny comedian gets the final rose.
The kilt wearing dude is gone. Both Chicago guys are heading home also. I knew they should have picked me!
Preview for the season:
Chad is the dangerous version of Olivia. Lots of Chad drama, he’s this season’s instigator and he’s coming after Baby Rodgers. This will be this season’s Nick Viall vs Shawn Schnozling feud extreme version. Clearly Rodgers is a favorite and will be around a long time. Looks like a fairly dramatic season. Should be a fun ride.
Final Four Picks:
Luke: I think she’s into him for sure. He’s a country boy Texan and she got a strong initial reaction to him. He’ll make it to hometown and the final.
Robby: There is something about him that seems like he will be around for a while, including the fact he’s seen a lot in the season preview. He seems like a smooth operator.
Chad: Hard not to include him, though he might be eliminated just before hometown. Fifty-fifty on him, but I say he makes it to final four. It’s either him or Christian.
Jordan: The obvious no-brainer choice. I’d be shocked if he isn’t in the final four.
Ali: Think that smooth piano strokes might get him far. He’s from Iran, so shares similar ethnic background with JoJo, which could work in his favor.
Christian: Lots of him in the previews. JoJo liked his biker badass gimmick. Looks like he will be around for a while.
The DJ made quite the impression on night one. He might make a deep run.
Luke vs Baby Rodgers seems to be a safe pick for the final. Jordan is a shoe-in, but Luke seems to be a safe choice also. This should be an interesting showdown. Ultimately I think the shocker will be that Luke upsets Baby Rodgers in the final. Seems clear to me that the producers would be rooting for Rodgers to finish second so that he could be the next Bachelor. A big name Bachelor is something this show must be craving for. I can’t possibly do worse than my predictions of LB winning last season of The Bachelor, so here goes nothing. I’m taking a chance on the country boy.
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