The Bachelor Winter Games (Ep.1): Lots of Games, Little Competition

Bachelor Games Ceremony

What is the Bachelor version of winter games? Well, for starters it’s not taking place in South Korea, but instead it’s in…Vermont.

Ben Higgins is the first cast member introduced. We get a recap of his Bachelor failure of picking Lauren, while any sane man would have picked JoJo.

Bibiana is up next. She’s a recent familiar face from Arie’s season.

Speaking of failure, Dean is up next. Apparently he’s done some self-reflection. Sure.

Clare retired from the Bachelor, and looks like she’s already un-retired. Her attempt at justifying her retirement is equally unsuccessful.

Josiah from Rachel’s season is up next.

Lesley Murphy from Sean Lowe’s season is up next. She reveals she’s had a double mastectomy.

Ashley I. needs no introduction. She cries. A lot.

Hannah Storm joins Chris Harrison to host, with sportscaster Ashley Brewer. This is the night that Storm’s career ended.

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ABC

“Team USA” walks down the street in a parade. Incredibly lame commentary follows. This is worse than the NFL Pro Bowl.

Luke Pell is part of team USA. How much did they pay him to go against his Bachelor standstill.

Yuki is here for team Japan. She doesn’t know English either.

Team Canada is up next. Lead by Canadian Ryan Sutter wannabe Kevin.

Zoey is a solo competitor from China.

Laure is the only U.K. competitor.

Australia has a Tiffany and Courtney (he’s a guy).

Team Sweden has a Rebecca.

Jenny from Finland.

New Zealand has two women representing.

Christian apparently can represent both Germany and Switzerland.

A new ultimate show low (there has been plenty of those over the years), the contestants rise for “The Bachelor Anthem”.

Speaking or Ryan and Trista come out with the “Bachelor Lantern”.

Mingling

Chris Harrison comes to the house to introduce himself. He announces there will be rose ceremonies. A Bachelor Winter Games will be crowned in the end. Whoo Hoo. Japanese girl couldn’t get over that people kiss on the show. Dean is on the prowl for Lesley.

Everyone wants Kevin, and by everyone I mean the two criers, Ashley I. and Bibiana.

Josiah can’t get over New Zealand Ally’s badunka dunk a.k.a her ass. Bystander Christian is happy to see them making out.

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ABC

Let The Games Begin

The games have arrived. I still can’t get over Chris Harrison’s beard. The first event is, wait, they need to learn how to ski first. First casualty is Ally who falls on her bum bum. The dangers of this competition are evident.

Biathlon is between Michael G? He’s on the show? Benoit, Josiah, Luke and Ben Higgins. Josiah face plants immediately. Somehow through everyones failures, Dean manages to win the qualifier.

These people (all of them) are brutal. They can’t even ski in a straight line. Kevin and Rebecca win their competitions and date cards. Kevin is deciding between Bibiana or Ashley I. He quickly goes with Bibiana.

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ABC

Rebecca asks Luke on a date. Luke is wearing his leather jacket that he’s grown out of 10 years ago.

Dean and Lesley are talking about boobs, while Clare wants Benoit to teach her how to cook. She tells him that he needs to wear his dorky glasses, cause they look super sexy on him.

My favorite part is Christian trying to say Josiah’s name. Best part of the show.

Short Stay

A rose ceremony starts with a half hour left on the show. Harrison announces there will be five people leaving. They will vote off each other.

Lesley is voting off Jamey. Yet, another individual that just got introduced to America. Wait, what country is he even from?

Looks like Ally might be Josiah’s only ally. The women are turning on him and Clare is on a mission to get him out of the house.

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ABC

Benoit only wants Clare so that he can cook with her. Get this man a Groupon for a cooking date. Christian has other plans for her. He has a talk with Clare about kissing and the merits of lip kisses.

Onto the roses. Rebecca and Kevin are safe.

  • Jenny
  • Luke
  • Lesley
  • Dean
  • Stasi
  • Ben Higgins
  • Lilly
  • Courtney
  • Yuki
  • Christian
  • Benoit
  • Clare
  • Bibiana
  • Ally
  • Michael
  • Tiffany
  • Ashley I. (of course)
  • Josiah

Eric heads home, British girl, Jamey, Zoe all head home. That completes episode 1.

BACH TALK:

The premiere of The Bachelor Winter Games arrived and here are some take aways.

  • The first half hour was incredibly brutal and cheesy.
  • Why didn’t we get an introduction to all the American contestants?
  • Eric we hardly knew you. The man who placed third on Rachel’s season was largely forgettable in his short stint on here.
  • Hard to tell some of the world competitors apart.
  • Focus is on Clare, Dean, Ashley I. and Bibiana, so the usual suspects.
  • This show is airing in 48 hours again? Twice a week? Three nights of Bachelor?

For more on The Bachelor, visit my site The Bachelor Universe and follow me on Twitter @TheJimAlexander

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